Her eyes questioned. Her mind wondered. Her soul wandered. The whole night. It was her response that I have to continue remind myself about. Her response. Was intended to take me one step closer. BUT my heart gave it away. Thus, I took 10 steps back. After, I decided to move forward. Against all odds. But she turn her back at me. Through all odds.

I tear myself apart while questioning. Wear myself out trying to figure the answers. Yet all that came out was. Nothing. Nothing near conclusion. I failed to understand. Why? When I was meant to thread the water, I’ve fell in too deep. Why? For every piece of me that wants you. There is another piece back away. I failed to understand. How? You blinded me with the light I shone for you. How? You fought with the strength I gave you.

I waited for hours just to spend alittle time alone with you. I never buy you flowers because I never knew what they mean or what they could mean to you. but did. THREE. Three wishes. Three grants await. I never thought I could feel for someone as much. Because it usually happens in someone else’s dream. Not mine. Never mine.

I mixed up love with lust. I live not for you but for love we share. As much as i want to embrace all, i still stand tall. Although it may bring me down to my knees anytime, I shall not fall. I shall build my wall and not let you break. I shall never let my guard down for now.

But its all too late.

I might call you from my heart someday but it might be a second too late. And the words I never say. Will come out anyway. Not.

'Cause you give me something

I was once told. Told by my mum. She warned me not to play with fire. Yet, I was defiant. I dint understand. And i tried. I played with fire. Not any small fire. but those big ones.

And i got burnt. badly scalded. No matter how hard i cried. The pain nvr go away. It was really painful. I could no longer hold inside. I burst out screaming but noone was around to help. Noone knows. A scar, was all that was left on me not long after. A scar that will always be printed on me. A scar that will never vanish no matter how hard i try to remove.

Yet somehow, it forced me to learn. Force me to. forget my earlier task. Force me to. stand on my two feet and run. As I tried to run as far as i could but i couldnt find a place to hide. Force me to. build my wall strong again. Force me to. Realise what's right and what's not. Force me to. take away those pain and grow happiness. Force me to. wake up my idea and pursuit my goals. Force me to. Search my soul. And force me to. convince myself. That the past mistook my identity. The identity that had been always hidden in mewas the girl i used to be.


I tried. We thought i could make it. You failed. We know. We can make it on our own.
Once again, it's a little too late.

deepest darkest secrets.

This evening was a weary one. and unnecessarily. was in confusion. It grew with me for all the wrong reasons. Think i think too much. Too much for my own good. Too much for my mind to handle. much that i couldnt afford it.

Speaking of which, i had been in many thoughts. figuring big pictures. Deep thoughts. that speak of deep connections. Glancing thru the same plot over familiar studies.

Like a joke that noone understands. i walked. with no idea where i was heading to. for all i know. i must walk away. as fast as i could. with no turn backs. The worry. filled the rational mind. It meant something. but i still. took afew steps forward.

Now, there she's. having the best time. of her life. and here i'm. feeling sorry for myself. pathetic as it sounds, i finally came. to terms. with the fact. that i can. contiune. walking with. all these blisters. with a smile that pleases the happy.

Hanging by a moment (acoustic) - Lifehouse

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